On the the 12 days of the holiday sales season my mentor gave to me: These are the things I have to deal with while he’s taking vacation on a tropical island. I’m thinking of asking Santa for a strategically placed tropical depression.
Twelve sales reps drumming up business
This isn’t so bad. It’s the end of the year, and they’re trying to make their year end goals. Nothing like a little bit of panic to keep them out of my way.
Eleven shifting paradigms
Maybe it’s the economy, but everything is changing. No one is doing business like they used to do. Somehow I have to figure out what’s going to survive all this.
Ten logistical solutions packages
Don’t ask me what they are but apparently there’s a quota on selling them. Maybe they go with shifting paradigms.
Nine kabuki dancers
These guys are all show, no substance. They come in my office and use words like “logistical solutions” and “shifting paradigms. Wish one of them would sell something.
Eight marketers milking
They’ve been working the new campaign for three weeks. They’re keeping it going so they can coast through the holidays. I swear I heard mooing from a cubicle yesterday. And their explanations smell like a dairy barn.
Seven swans swimming with sharks
These new people have no idea how to take care of their territory. The desperate reps smell the blood in the water and are circling.
Six geese a-laying…
… five golden eggs
These are the clients who are bring in the kind of business that allows my mentor to take two weeks of vacation during the holidays. They get treated like the company depends on them. I can’t ruffle a single feather.
Four calling vendors
I keep forgetting that I’m not the only one trying to make goal. Everybody we deal with is on the phone trying to double our orders by year end.
Actually, they’re admins. But I just figured out that they do all the real work. They’re now doing all my dirty work. Am I responsible for their bonuses?
Two hurdle rates in a dive
That’s the number we calculated for the ROI on some long term projects last month. But now they’re looking a bit optimistic.
and the low-hanging fruit in a pear tree
Even I can make goal with this prospect list. They’re practically begging to give us money. All I have to do is call. Right after I order fruitcake for everyone in the office.
ThinkGeek Giveaway: Whenever Sticky Note Set
Sick of people getting on your back all the time about the things they want you to do for them?
These sticky notes are the cure. Keep people from reminding you about the impending deadline, by making the deadline ambiguous. It’s genius.
As ThinkGeek’s page says about the Whenever Sticky Note Set:
“Proper time management is key to excelling in today’s workplace. But with so much to do, how can you really plan for the future? Really, how many times have you heard, “I’ll get the budget report to you in an hour,” only to have it delivered three days later? Enough is enough. Of course everyone could learn to be more productive and properly meet deadlines, but we think the easiest course of action is to more accurately reflect office time. What do we mean by that? Take a look at this sticky note set and you’ll understand.”
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