The 12 Days of the Holiday Sales Season


On the the 12 days of the holiday sales season my mentor gave to me: These are the things I have to deal with while he’s taking vacation on a tropical island. I’m thinking of asking Santa for a strategically placed tropical depression.

Twelve sales reps drumming up business

This isn’t so bad. It’s the end of the year, and they’re trying to make their year end goals. Nothing like a little bit of panic to keep them out of my way.

Eleven shifting paradigms

Maybe it’s the economy, but everything is changing. No one is doing business like they used to do. Somehow I have to figure out what’s going to survive all this.

Ten logistical solutions packages

Don’t ask me what they are but apparently there’s a quota on selling them. Maybe they go with shifting paradigms.

Nine kabuki dancers

These guys are all show, no substance. They come in my office and use words like “logistical solutions” and “shifting paradigms. Wish one of them would sell something.

Eight marketers milking

They’ve been working the new campaign for three weeks. They’re keeping it going so they can coast through the holidays. I swear I heard mooing from a cubicle yesterday. And their explanations smell like a dairy barn.

Seven swans swimming with sharks

These new people have no idea how to take care of their territory. The desperate reps smell the blood in the water and are circling.

Six geese a-laying…
… five golden eggs

These are the clients who are bring in the kind of business that allows my mentor to take two weeks of vacation during the holidays. They get treated like the company depends on them. I can’t ruffle a single feather.

Four calling vendors

I keep forgetting that I’m not the only one trying to make goal. Everybody we deal with is on the phone trying to double our orders by year end.

Three henchmen

Actually, they’re admins. But I just figured out that they do all the real work. They’re now doing all my dirty work. Am I responsible for their bonuses?

Two hurdle rates in a dive

That’s the number we calculated for the ROI on some long term projects last month. But now they’re looking a bit optimistic.

and the low-hanging fruit in a pear tree

Even I can make goal with this prospect list. They’re practically begging to give us money. All I have to do is call. Right after I order fruitcake for everyone in the office.

Happy holidays.

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Cubicle Curtis is the guy sitting at the next workstation. He's been in this office longer than anyone else, so he's a valuable resource of who does what and how to get things done. Before this job, he has worked just about every job between pizza delivery and accounting. Now, he's all about getting the job done and helping you figure out how to survive yours.

Discussion

  1. Sonali Agrawal on the 23rd December

    @sonaliagrawal

  2. adone on the 23rd December

    @warstwydotcom

  3. Paul on the 23rd December

    SketchHurricane on Twitter

    Don’t worry, you’ll manage without the big boss man!

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    would love this set. @trifunk

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  7. Brent Alexander on the 23rd December

    @brentalexander

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    I love this set, @torstennn

  9. Zach on the 24th December

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  10. Matt Skvasik on the 24th December

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  11. Mario Awad on the 24th December

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  12. Imagine a Design on the 25th December

    @imagineadesign

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