A Cube Farm Christmas Party Tale

Come sit by the warmth of the data center, co-workers. I have a Cube Farm Christmas tale to tell. I know those are the new wrinkle-free khakis you’re wearing and that you’ve been taking long lunches at hot yoga, so don’t act like you can’t sit cross-legged around my ergonomically correct chair…

…ahem.

Twas the week before Christmas and all through the cubes
Everyone was on Ebay or watching this on YouTube
The interns sought direction, cramped in one space
“Get my gingerbread latte! And pick up the pace!”

Boss took the paper through the bathroom door
I knew I had 30 minutes to play Mafia Wars
The weekend prior at our annual bash
Susan from Corporate threw her career in the trash

We blamed the economy, our coffers were nil
So instead of the good stuff, we sucked down tonic and swill
She should have eaten more pigs in a blanket
because she bent over and told the CEO to “spank it.”

She was over-served and under the bar
But that’s not the most shocking part by far
Because just when you think it couldn’t get worse
a personal pleasure device fell out of her purse

Overindulgence is a bad holiday habit
That’s how she got her nickname “The Rabbit”
There was Paul from Payroll who had no inhibition
And asked the Finance Director who she blew for the position

I stood in the corner, disbelieving my ears
It was the best Christmas party I’d been to in years
All of a sudden I knew the reason
That diverse groups of people celebrate the season

Yes, Kwanzaa is cool and Hanukkah’s a hoot
But how often do you get to see your boss boot?
If it weren’t for Santa and Mary in the manger
A December of slacking would be in grave danger

Paid time off, free booze and free food
Is a mighty nice perk, but don’t ruin it, dude
Leave the dysfunction for the family festivities instead
And keep gainful employment top of mind in your head

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To win this prize, tell us about the worst Christmas gift you’ve ever received, and the worst one you’ve ever given. Make sure the email address you leave with your comment is correct–it’s only visible to Envato staff, and we need it to tell you if you win. See this post for terms and conditions.