A Cube Farm Christmas Party Tale

Come sit by the warmth of the data center, co-workers. I have a Cube Farm Christmas tale to tell. I know those are the new wrinkle-free khakis you’re wearing and that you’ve been taking long lunches at hot yoga, so don’t act like you can’t sit cross-legged around my ergonomically correct chair…


Twas the week before Christmas and all through the cubes
Everyone was on Ebay or watching this on YouTube
The interns sought direction, cramped in one space
“Get my gingerbread latte! And pick up the pace!”

Boss took the paper through the bathroom door
I knew I had 30 minutes to play Mafia Wars
The weekend prior at our annual bash
Susan from Corporate threw her career in the trash

We blamed the economy, our coffers were nil
So instead of the good stuff, we sucked down tonic and swill
She should have eaten more pigs in a blanket
because she bent over and told the CEO to “spank it.”

She was over-served and under the bar
But that’s not the most shocking part by far
Because just when you think it couldn’t get worse
a personal pleasure device fell out of her purse

Overindulgence is a bad holiday habit
That’s how she got her nickname “The Rabbit”
There was Paul from Payroll who had no inhibition
And asked the Finance Director who she blew for the position

I stood in the corner, disbelieving my ears
It was the best Christmas party I’d been to in years
All of a sudden I knew the reason
That diverse groups of people celebrate the season

Yes, Kwanzaa is cool and Hanukkah’s a hoot
But how often do you get to see your boss boot?
If it weren’t for Santa and Mary in the manger
A December of slacking would be in grave danger

Paid time off, free booze and free food
Is a mighty nice perk, but don’t ruin it, dude
Leave the dysfunction for the family festivities instead
And keep gainful employment top of mind in your head

ThinkGeek Giveaway: Prank Pack Fake Gift Boxes

It may be too late to win this prize as a prank gift for your least favorite co-workers this year, but we’re sure you can come up with an occasion sometime soon to make these boxes useful. The Prank Pack Fake Gift Boxes advertise something incredibly ridiculous on the box, but contain your real gift on the inside.

“So many occasions over the course of the year require you to give gifts to your friends and loved ones and coworkers – but how can you guarantee they will like what you give them? It’s really actually very easy. Step one is to completely disappoint and/or confuse them as soon as they unwrap your present. Then, by the time they actually get your real present, they are so relieved, they love it. If you are a little confused, it’s ok. Read on, and learn about the wonderful powers of the Prank Pack Fake Gift Boxes!”

To win this prize, tell us about the worst Christmas gift you’ve ever received, and the worst one you’ve ever given. Make sure the email address you leave with your comment is correct–it’s only visible to Envato staff, and we need it to tell you if you win. See this post for terms and conditions.

https://www.facebook.com/Michelle.Burleson.Writer It ain't pretty, but they are! *** I shot out of my mother's womb ready to write The Great American novel and then its screenplay adaptation. Beyond that, I'm all about seeing the world from the saltwater, one session at a time. I also like raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens... and not because they taste like chicken.


  1. Leo on the 17th January

    This reminded me of the 10 sorry ass years I wasted in the corporate cube concentration camps. I’m so glad to leave it behind!

Add a Comment